Microsoft and Novell in Custody Fight Over Linux

In a twist of events that has as much humour as a John Kerry standup night, Microsoft and Novell are now separating from their recently touted Linux relationship.

It seems that the once favoured relationship between the two camps to push Novell’s Suse version of Linux is falling apart.

From all accounts, it would appear that the flare up has occurred as a result of the wanted introduction of the Office ‘paper clip’ and ‘dog’ Help Assistants in the Linux product set.

Jeff Matthews, Help Assistants Product Line Manager for Microsoft explained “well with the release of Vista, we have decided to retire the paper clip and dog assistants, opting for a more intelligent help product within the operating system.”

“However, we don’t want to see this old technology going to waste, so we thought it should be a part of Linux. Linux is a difficult operating system for most in the corporate world to get around, so the more help the better we believe”.

But it would seem that not everyone is in agreeance with the unscheduled technology deployment.

Mike MacHortney, Help Line Products Manager for Novell, has retorted by stating “we never liked the darn dog or the paper clip when it was in Office – why should we introduce it in to Linux? Quite frankly we’re happy to see them gone from Vista!”

The exchange has now left both parties in a squabble over what characters to use for the Linux Help system.

“For us the obvious choice is the penguin as the assistant. Maybe a penguin with a makeover that embodies the Linux spirit, but extends that spirit to the commercial and corporate world” MacHortney added.

However, this has created its own set of feuds with Marcus Macelwellenly from the Linux Freedom Users Source Control Group is outraged by the move.

“Linux was created so that companies like Microsoft and Novell had someone else in the market to answer to – so that the little guy could stand up against the corporates. Now it looks like Linux is going to the dogs!”

Linus Torvald, the creator of the Linux kernel is in agreeance with Macelwellenly. “I hated that damn dog and paper clip all the way back in windows 95 – it was part of the inspiration of creating Linux so that I did not have to see the damn dog and the paper clip.”

So where to now for the two software giants? Comments from both camps suggest that there are some serious discussions behind closed doors being held at present.

In the meantime, if you think that you have got a better help assistant, then go to to register your details.


2 responses to “Microsoft and Novell in Custody Fight Over Linux

  1. I am of the opinion that it will never work. Those mixed marriages are always risky. and what about the kids and the add-ons.

    Not to mention the bloody penguin who is probably pissed as hell that he has to make like a fucking nice guy.

    Bring back “Bob” I say!

  2. Pingback: New Start-up: PiisTakr Beta « Rooster’s Rail

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